Day 31: Sham Shocktober shortlist!

Well, it’s been 31 days of blog, sweat and tears but finally Sham Shocktober has come to an end, shortly before my tether. As promised, I’ve previewed thirty different horror films over the last month, none of which I’ve actually seen... yet! Now, thanks to some inspirational user comments, I’ve decided which five I’m going to splurge some hard-earned PayPal funds on. So, credit crunch be damned, let the DVD-buying frenzy commence!

The movie: KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE
The reasoning: I’ve wanted to see this, like, forever anyway, but it was Jenn’s recommendation that finally sealed the deal: “This is one of those movies that I've seen probably a dozen times. It’s probably not worth that many viewings, but I can’t help myself!” How can one resist such fervour? Such passion? Such personal shame?!

The movie: BLACULA
The reasoning: Reader Stacia (of She Blogged By Night) is a connoisseur of classic Hollywood so I was quite surprised when she ’fessed up to a love of this infamous piece of 70s blaxploitation: “One of my favorite parts of Blacula is the opening animation sequence with the bat. It is absolute gold. You must see this!”... You know, I think I must!

The Movie: FUNERAL HOME
The reasoning: Guilt! Pure guilt on my part about calling its star Lesleh Donaldson “horribly named” – which is, in retrospect, a pretty mean thing to say, as one of her cousins pointed out. So, to support Lesleh, and because I recently found out she also starred in the slasher classics Curtains and Happy Birthday to Me, I’ve decided to go for Funeral Home. Oh, and did I mention it sounds freakin’ rad?!

The movie: SHOCK WAVES
The reasoning: “Shock Waves is awesome, and I’m glad you chose this one as an option. It’s pretty amazing, claustrophobic and just plain creepy. I say go for it!” So says Made for TV Mayhem-blogger and all-round horror journo extraordinaire, Amanda By Night. And I always aim to please, so consider it bought!

The movie: BEHIND THE MASK: THE RISE OF LESLIE VERNON
The reasoning: Wow! Mucho love for this one, with Reel Whore calling it “2nd only to Grindhouse for best 2007 horror” and Corey of Evil on Two Legs opining: “I envy your Leslie Vernon virginity. I love this movie so much... and soon (hopefully), so will you”. Well, I can’t wait to pop my BTM cherry and find out!

Tonight, however, it’s just me, a few friends and Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer. Happy Halloween, folks!

Day 30: Let's Scare Jessica to Death

Sham Shocktober hasn’t been any kind of countdown, but I have saved the best for last. And tomorrow I’ll let you know which of Shocktober’s 30 suggestions have become my Top 5 must-see movies. To me, today’s choice is the Holy Grail of horror films I haven’t seen – the one I almost can’t believe I’ve never watched. Think about it: I’ve seen Cheerleader Massacre and yet I haven’t seen this? I’m clearly either (a) stupid, (b) stupid, (c) stupid, or (d) all of the above and stupid to boot. Anyway, if you haven’t worked it out by now – or read the post title – I’m talking about 1971’s Let’s Scare Jessica to Death.

Key to my fascination with Jessica is the fact that I know so little about it. Basically, I hear it’s creepy and it might have something to do with vampires... who knows? I actively avoid reading about the plot because I really don’t want to spoil anything. Anything at all. But it’s difficult to argue with reviews like these:

“To say it’s one of the best horror films ever made still wouldn’t do it justice” – Amanda By Night

“They really don’t make ’em like this anymore. I was mesmerized” – Final Girl

“Will linger in your consciousness for years to come” – DVD Drive-in

“Shamefully underrated” – Kim Newman (and that’s high praise indeed from this venerable horror expert)

So that’s why we might call Jessica the guts of Sham Shocktober, celebrating a month of classic horror I haven’t actually experienced. Behind the scenes, I’ve been frantically flogging unwanted DVDs on eBay, and tomorrow – yes, on Halloween itself, pumpkins – I’ll let you know which five of the thirty preceding movies I’ve decided to buy with my PayPal proceeds. Thanks for the help in choosing!

Day 29: The Crazies

I’d love to be told The Crazies is a great film. Especially if it’s true. I consider George Romero to be The Maestro as far as zombie movies are concerned, but my enthusiasm doesn’t quite extend to anything else he’s done. The slow-paced Martin, for instance, left me cold, but I’d be prepared to give it another go with my now no-longer teenaged head on (that old teenage head might’ve had more hair on it but, damn, it got bored easily). I fared better with Creepshow and Monkey Shines, both of which were just weird and wacky enough to keep me entertained, but as for Romero’s dull contribution to the two-part anthology Two Evil Eyes... well, talk about your “dark half”. Wait, that’s also the name of the Stephen King novel he adapted in 1993! And that was so memorable I can’t remember anything about it.

The Crazies might be the closest George has got to the outbreak themes addressed in his brilliant Dead movies without making another all-out zombie flick. It concerns the effects of a malignant virus called Trixie (scary!) which, from the looks of things, turns the residents of a Pennsylvania town into CRAZIES – which is an acronym of “Creepy Rednecks Are Zombified In Every Scene” – and causes them to engage in all kinds of “crazy” behaviour. I’m not sure how crazy exactly, but Romero isn’t one to shy away from the violent and nasty so I doubt it’s anything like the sort referred to in those hilarious “You don’t have to be mad to work here – but it helps!” signs.

But how mad would you have to be to miss The Crazies?

Day 28: Nosferatu

Amanda By Night quickly sniffed out the answer to today's riddle:

NOSE + FUR + R2 = NOSFERATU!

So, if we stick to our equations, that means: Nosferatu (1922) + Nosferatu (1979) = TWO more movies I've not seen! That's two potential classics, both quite highly regarded from the looks of things. And if we add them to Blacula, Ingrid Pitt and Bela Lugosi's Dracula, that's one rather large pile of Very Important Vamps I've never clapped eyes on.

Sorry, Amanda, there ain't no prize but I will point you in the direction of two fantastic free commentaries for that other classic vampire movie Fright Night, one featuring director Tom Holland with William Ragsdale, Stephen Geoffreys and FX Artist Randall William Cook, and the other with Tom Holland, Chris Sarandon and Jonathan Stark. There you go: it's the gift that keeps on giving! Well, if you listen to them repeatedly.

Day 28: Guess the movie

Day 27: Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

Somehow, somehow, this recent-ish one managed to get away... Which is surprising because I’m usually all over a slasher movie that gets a half-decent review anywhere. As it happens, Behind the Mask has had plenty of favourable write-ups, but something must’ve been holding me back because I still haven’t seen it. Perfect stuff for Sham Shocktober, then.

My problem might be that it’s not immediately obvious from the reviews and publicity how far down the path of comedy this film goes. I mean, I heart comedy and I double-heart horror, but mixing the two doesn’t always produce hearty results (though you should never let anyone tell you that Haunted Honeymoon is anything less than a masterpiece).

From the sound of things, Behind the Mask follows, in documentary fashion, the preparations made by a wannabe serial killer for his big night of slaughter in a small town. We’ve seen film crews following psychos before (Man Bites Dog) and we’ve also seen comedic Jason Voorhees copycats (Freak Out) but a middle ground between those two movies is hard to imagine: the former is as bleak and nasty as they get, while the latter is so low-budget it would actually look like a documentary if it weren’t so silly.

So someone please tell me: what will I find when I look behind this mask?

Day 26: Dead Set

Unless you harbour secret fantasies of graphically murdering Davina McCall, you’ve probably never seen her quite like this before. Admittedly, if you live outside the UK, you’ve probably never seen her before anyway, but Davina is famous for presenting Big Brother here for the last nine years. How has she ended up with a gaping jugular? Well, it’s all to do with a new five-part horror serial starting tomorrow night on E4. It’s called Dead Set and, seeing as it’s timed to coincide with Halloween, and seeing as I can’t wait to tune in, I’ve decided to make it my Sham Shocktober pick of the day.

Big Brother has long been accused of turning its viewers into mindless zombies but, in Dead Set, the whole of Britain has already succumbed to a zombie outbreak, with the only people not yet affected (and indeed blissfully unaware) being the remaining contestants holed up in the Big Brother house. Back up this satirical premise with the presence of Davina and the actual BB sets and you have what could be great TV, assuming the makers really go for the gory horror angle as well as the laughs (and, if the trailer is anything to go by, it looks like they do).

It’s been a while since British TV has tried its hand at straight horror but, with this and the forthcoming BBC shocker Apparitions, things are looking decidedly spooky this autumn. Check out Dead Set’s website here.

Day 25: Don’t Ring the Doorbell

A large part of me wants to see 1978’s Don’t Ring the Doorbell because of its bizarre original name, The Mafu Cage. But another part of me thinks that’s one bad mafu-ing title. (The remaining portion just wants a drink and a lie down.)

Don’t Ring the Doorbell brings together Lee Grant and Carol Kane, who between them have five Oscar nominations and one win. So what they’re doing in a movie about incestuous lesbian sisters living in a monkey-filled mansion, I’m not sure. Neither is a stranger to the horror/slasher genre: Grant is a top final girl (and Anchorwoman In Peril!) in Visiting Hours, while Kane has been in more pseudo-slashers than anyone else I can think of, including the offbeat thriller When a Stranger Calls (and its more satisfying sequel); the previously name-dropped slasher satire Pandemonium; and the gory black comedy Office Killer.

Perhaps the actresses were going for a whole Baby Jane-type vibe. And, if that was the case, please remake it, girls! Thirty years down the line adds all kinds of interesting layers to a project like this. And ageing horror divas are so cool.